HERE WITHOUT YOU
by dustyroad2004
Summary: **OK guys, due to unforeseen real-life work chaos, I've had to upload the remaining chapters early as I wouldn't have gotten a chance until next week. So this is it . . . hope you like it. Rated M for language.**
1. Chapter 1

****DISCLAIMER – I do not own the characters, they belong to TNT and associated bodies. ****

(However I have a wonderful imagination and that belongs all to me, just sometimes Jane and Maura wind up naked in it, and there's not a thing I can do to stop it. Gutted.)

Short chapter to begin with. This story begins with the ending. The entire story will be told with a mix of the present, to link in with flashbacks to bring us essentially back to the start, which is the end. Confused? (.com) Sorry, couldn't resist. This story won't end well, just to warn everyone. But it'll be happy throughout, so just ignore the sad parts if you like.

HERE WITHOUT YOU.

Sometimes in the Winter, when it would be deathly quiet in the woods; save for her gulps of air, she would hear herself scream. A glutteral, hoarse cry to any and all. A cry of sheer destruction, as if her very soul had been ripped from her. A cry that rocked her very being, that brought her tired legs to the ground, reverberating through her entire body; her nails digging into her upper arms as she gripped herself against her worst fear. As she gripped herself against the thought of a life without Jane.

_Six Months Previously . . . _

"Maura . . ." Jane breathed as she rolled her eyes and pinched her nose.

"Jane . . ." Maura smiled. "We have been through this, I'm not determining_ what _this is, until I have the results. For now, it's a reddish brown stain."

"Woman!"

"Yes, I am; why?" Maura asked in all seriousness.

Jane smiled. Then laughed, in her own special husky way. Then, in Maura's favourite way; she swaggered the few steps to the Doctor fluttering her eyelashes.

Bending down to whisper in the blonde's ear, she looked around the scene to make sure they didn't have any unwelcome observers.

"Maura, honey . . . If you could tell me that that stain is blood, of the perp; I will make it soooo worth your while . . ." she breathed in the coconut scent of Maura's hair before turning her eyes to the Doctor's lips.

Maura stared at her feet.

"I . . .um . . ." she spluttered. "I . . . one, would . . . ahem, possibly be able to ascertain," she struggled as Jane discreetly racked her index finger up and down her ribs, with the curtain of her Doctor's jacket hiding the intimate moment from possible prying eyes; " . . . that the stain . . . may likely have originated from an . . . Oh God . . ." Maura lost all train of thought as Jane trailed her hand from her ribcage to her navel, stopping directly at the top of her panties.

"The stain may have originated from God, well that sure isn't one I've heard before. I thought you were a scientist, Doctor?" Jane smiled a devious grin and she turned quickly to walk away from the smaller woman.

"Jane Angela Rizzoli you are infuriating!" Maura screamed under her breath, watching the Detective swagger away.


	2. Chapter 2

****DISCLAIMER – I do not own the characters, they belong to TNT and associated bodies. ****

(However I have a wonderful imagination and that belongs all to me, just sometimes Jane and Maura wind up naked in it, and there's not a thing I can do to stop it. Gutted.)

Short chapter to begin with. This story begins with the ending. The entire story will be told with a mix of the present, to link in with flashbacks to bring us essentially back to the start, which is the end. Confused? (.com) Sorry, couldn't resist. This story won't end well, just to warn everyone. But it'll be happy throughout, so just ignore the sad parts if you like.

HERE WITHOUT YOU

Chaper Two.

Sitting in the Robber, Maura moved the lemon beside her shooter glass. She lifted the glass gently, slowly swirling the golden liquid around the glass, watching as it left drain marks on the sides. She set the glass down on the black napkin and turned her eyes to the figure approaching.

"Seat taken?" Frankie's eyes gestured to the booth, empty save from memories of the brunette who used to slouch there.

"That seat is always taken, you know that," she smiled sadly. "You can sit here," she patted the space beside her.

Frankie gently lowered himself into the booth, joining his hands in his lap as his eyes rested on the empty seat in front of them.

"You're not alone, you know that, right?" He whispered, without looking at his companion.

"I know," she reached over and took his left hand between her own, patting it as if it were her childs. "I know."

_Six months previously . . . _

Janes head thudded on the table, followed by a very unlady-like grunt.

"Jane, honey; the tequila was your idea . . ." Maura teased in the direction of the mass of curls. "You said you would, and I quote 'Drink me under the table'. You look dangerously close to sliding under that very table."

Jane raised her head, just enough to gain eye-contact, albeitly blurry.

"I said," she swallowed and grimaced, "I said, I would match your glass of wine with a beer and a shot. I had also said I havn't slept in three days and havn't eaten properly in three days. How the hell can you drink so much?"

The Doctor smiled, looking into golden brown orbs.

"I have had adequate sleep, I have eaten and I pace myself with a glass of water to each glass; dear Detective."

Maura reached accross the table, placing a wild lock behind Jane's ear.

"Your choice of combination has only served to inebriate you more. Had you chosen to match me drink for drink, on the same drink; I do believe that even with your current physical deprivation, you would have stood a fine chance at, as you call it; 'drinking me under the table'." Maura smiled, touching the brunette's nose gently before bringing her finger to the rim of her now empty wine glass; tracing the outline.

"I hate to admit this," Jane said straightening and stretching, "but you win," Jane whispered, hoarsely.

Maura's eyes lit up.

"Excuse me, Det. Rizzoli; but I didn't quite hear what you said," she turned her head playfully, gesturing for the other woman to repeat.

Jane sighed and looked to the roof, before exhaling heavily.

"Maura, Doctor Isles; you have out-drank me. You win."

"Yes!" Maura exclaimed, throwing her arms above her head in a victory airpunch.

"Does this mean we can leave now?" Jane rested her head on her left hand in a way that made her look adorable.

Maura watched Jane's facial muscles relax, watched her breathe slowly, watched her pupils dilate.

"Yes, yes we can leave now. You wanna stay at mine?"

She couldn't look at the woman opposite her, as she distracted herself with gathering her belongings. Things with Jane had been different lately. The two had crossed an imaginary line. The usual eye lingering moments had intensified, there was unnecessary touching, late night conversations too long and too regular for just a close friendship.

Jane had accelerated the change. Maura had become unnerved initially as she noticed the brunette push the boundaries of their friendship.

Their lunch dates became more regular, Jane was always chivarlrous but the dynamic had changed; she would watch people, eye them if to claim that when Maura was with her, she was hers and hers alone. Jane had begun to spend nights at Maura's, and offer her home as a place for Maura to stop over. The first few nights had been like any other that they had spent together, but on more than a few occassions Maura had woken to find herself enveloped in the arms of the woman asleep behind her.

She struggled to comprehend the comfort that the hands of another brought her, questioning the feelings that Jane's presence, her touch; brought. The night she stopped questioning was as a result of waking to find wild curls surrounding her face, when Jane had fallen asleep on her chest. She stroked the Detective's face gently, using her other hand to trace patterns accross the brunette's hand that rested on her hip.

From that night, they had slept intertwined; neither having the courage to further the situation, nor the want to end it and return to lonely beds with cold, spare pillows.

"Do you want me to stay at yours?"

Something in Jane's tone was different. Pleading, rather than questioning.

Maura locked eyes with her then.

", I do."

Maura's eyes searched the empty seat in front of her, no trace of the individual who had once, had always; occupied the space.

She looked at Frankie.

"She's always with me, that I have no doubt of," she tried to smile, swirling the liquid in her glass before lifting it and letting it burn the back of her throat.


	3. Chapter 3

****DISCLAIMER – I do not own the characters, they belong to TNT and associated bodies. ****

(However I have a wonderful imagination and that belongs all to me, just sometimes Jane and Maura wind up naked in it, and there's not a thing I can do to stop it. Gutted.)

This Chapter deals more with Maura's present, rather than the past. Again, if you don't want to read something that doesn't have a happy ending, then this isn't the story for you.

I just thought it would be interesting to see (and show) that sometimes grief is the true expression of someone's feeling for another person.

HERE WITHOUT YOU

Chaper Three.

Walking home from the Robber, Maura's thoughts couldn't untangle themselves from that night, the first night she spent with Jane as more than friends. She smiled as she walked along the familar pavement, tucking her hands into her coat against the November wind. She giggled as she passed the wall where Jane had pulled a wild flower out from it's home between the old cracks, seeing the frozen reminants that would no doubt, some summer soon, blossom again.

She sighed as she finished the short walk back to her house, whistfully touching the left side of her temple where Jane has placed the flower; before taking Maura's hand in her own as her brown eyes searched the pavement. Maura remembered the spark of the touch as she entwined her fingers with the gloved ones of the taller woman. Nothing had ever felt no natural, so easy; than the simple touch which signified such a change between them.

Maura stopped in front of her door, to touch the same place on the wood where Jane had placed her hand to hold it open for her on that night. Her sight blurred as her mind was flooded with the scene.

_May._

Maura stepped past the brunette, into the warmth of her home, on an unusually chill night. She turned quietly, key in hand; motioning Jane in with her eyes. The soft click of the door put to bed both their fears.

"Bed?" Jane whispered.

Maura nodded, reaching out to link their little fingers as she led Jane down the familiar corridor.

She stopped in front of her door, turning slowly to the woman behind her; but keeping her eyes on the door handle.

"If we step into this room, everything changes," she barely managed to speak.

Jane moved to stand directly behind the blonde, releasing her finger to join their hands completely.

"Everything changed . . . a long, long time ago."

Maura breathed in the scent of the other woman, before turning to face her.

"Last week, at the Connor's case, when you touched me . . ."

Jane smiled, remembering tracing her ribs; moving her free hand to mimic the motion.

"I don't make promises I can't keep," she looked hungrily down into the green eyes searching her own.

"Then make it worth my while."

Maura stood frozen at her bedroom door, unable to prevent the electricity sparking through her as she remembered the feeling of Jane's lips on hers for the first time. She couldn't help but touch the door handle with the edge of her palm, as she did that night; opening the door as Jane guided them gently to the bed.

She sat on the edge of the bed, eyes drifting to the pillows that Jane had thrown accross the room, unable to supress the smile that crept up on the corners of her lips as she relived the crash of the lamp and the room turning to darkness; the flush that crept up her neck as Jane explored her.

Maura's eyes turned back to the dresser, she remembered waking on her stomach on the empty bed; reaching out for Jane but finding nothing there. She remembered the sting of the fear that filled her, the rush of disappointment, the embarrassment. Most of all she remembered the relief.

"Good Morning, Doctor Isles;" Jane almost purred from the door.

Maura turned, grabbing the red sheets half-on, half-off the bed; to cover her modesty. She couldn't help but laugh as she let her eyes fall over Jane's make-shift toga.

"Good Morning, Detective Rizzoli," she smiled. "And you would rather wear my bed-linen than the clothes you keep here, why?"

Jane sauntered to the bed, sitting on the edge before leaning accross to bury her face in the blonde's neck.

"It smelt like you," she mumbled, before raising her head, "And I didn't wanna wake you going through drawers, having you think I was leaving when I'm only downstairs making breakfast," she smiled before leaning in for a morning kiss.

"Good," Maura let her hand wander accross Jane's cheek, to her neck and up again; eyes roaming. "So what's for breakfast . . . if it isn't you," she raised an eyebrow.

Jane swallowed.

"Scrambled eggs on . . . Oh Crap!" Jane bounded off the bed, trying to hold onto the sheets covering her, as Maura let her head hit the pillow, laughing.

A few steps took her accross the room to the drawer where she kept those covers; the covers cast off onto the floor as the night gave way to morning, as need gave way to exhaustion, motion gave way to gentle patterns traced accross newly discovered skin, goosebumped and glistening.

Maura touched the folded covers, cracking under the memories that surfaced against her will.

"Christ Jane," she began to rack with sobs, gathering the fabric up in a ball against her chest and face, knees dropping to the floor as she desperately tried to breathe in the long-gone scent of the Detective. "How . . ." she croaked, " . . . am I meant to do this?" The tears came harder now, cascading onto the precious remenant of happy memories, "How am I meant to do this without you?"

Maura rocked on the floor for hours, sobbing and clutching the covers.


	4. Chapter 4

****DISCLAIMER – I do not own the characters, they belong to TNT and associated bodies. ****

(However I have a wonderful imagination and that belongs all to me, just sometimes Jane and Maura wind up naked in it, and there's not a thing I can do to stop it. Gutted.)

This story begins with the ending. The entire story will be told with a mix of the present, to link in with flashbacks to bring us essentially back to the start, which is the end. Confused? (.com) Sorry, couldn't resist. This story won't end well, just to warn everyone. But it'll be happy throughout, so just ignore the sad parts if you like.

HERE WITHOUT YOU

Chaper Four.

Angela Rizzoli moved swiftly around the kitchen, of the home she shared with the woman she had come to think of as a second daughter. Setting the meal in front of the blonde, she gently laid her hand on her shoulder. Unable to give any words of comfort, Angela had resigned herself to simple acknowledgements of her housemate's grief, a grief she knew only too well herself.

Maura laid her hand on top of the older womans, a gentle squeeze conveying her thanks.

"Maura, honey" Angela spoke and she moved to sit opposite the dining table, "Tomorrow I'm going to go to Jane's," she swallowed the bile rising in her throat, " . . . to Janie's place . . ." she struggled, unable to say the word 'grave'. "Tomorrow is . . ." she looked out the window to her daughters car.

"Tomorrow is a month."

"Yes, dear." She looked to Maura. "Would you like to come with me?"

Maura's eyes rose to meet Angela's. Eyes are strange objects, so different in colours, shapes,their surroundings; but so alike between the two women, in the emptiness that now lay there, staring out, flitting from uncared object to unviewed sight, always lost with a glint of something of the past. Eyes filled with grief, of anger, of regret, sympathy for one another, with selfishness of their own loss; with loss completely.

"Thank-you, but no."

Maura's answer was always 'no.' Firm and unwavering, she had refused to visit the resting place of her fire, her passion, her life. Nothing repulsed Maura more than acknowledging her loss, of coming to terms with the fact that all that she lived for, all she had ever hoped for, had been stolen. Stolen by a wooden box and the six feet of dirt that lay above her, seperating them. A headstone couldn't convey the life of the person that lay beneath it, couldn't come close to describing the essence of the person enclosed nor the feeling felt for them.

'Beloved daughter, sister, partner', Maura scoffed at the idea; 'Why the fuck did it have to be her, much more to the point, closer to real feelings,' she cursed to herself. Maura had never cursed, during Jane's life, during _their _life. Once Jane had . . . gone, she couldn't bear to even think of, let alone say; the word 'died'. She was angry, her thoughts full of vitrol, bitterness, resentment. She hid it well from everyone, screaming inside herself; only releasing the blind grief in secluded moments, when she would tear herself away from everyone to unburden her crowded thoughts into dark skies and empty landscapes.

Maura sat in the same place again the next morning, watching through the window as Angela lowered herself into the cab.

Angela never drove when she went to visit Jane. She would return in the same manner every time; her hands clenched into fists, her eyes wild and her breathing erratic. The ordeal was too much to bear; unable to stay awake for the rest of the day, she would slip into the guesthouse and sleep until the fury passed.

Maura stared at the wooden table until the sound of the car was too quiet, too far away to be heard. She rose, picked her keys up from the island and began her own pilgrimage.

Maura hadn't been to Jane's apartment since the night it happened.

'Thirty-one days, sounds so insignifigant,' she thought to herself. 'What's the point remembering thirty-one days, when there are thousands ahead, when it'll only get worse; should we flock to 'the place' then?' She clenched her jaw, growing angry once more.

Closing the door behind her, a calmness washed over her; her eyes searching for the smile she knew she would only ever see in photographs now. But Jane was still here, she knew, she felt her in every little thing.

_June_

"Jane?" Maura smiled as she closed the door to the Detective's apartment.

"Hey," Jane beamed, leaning over the kitchen counter to see Maura come through the door.

"Hey yourself," Maura laughed. "Getting creative are we?"

Jane's face was covered in flour, her hair tied up in the way Maura loved.

"What?" Jane exclaimed, "I can cook! I just . . . I choose not to, most of the time," she smiled, leaning in for a kiss as Maura approached.

"Well, I'm glad you've decided to make an exception," she placed her hands on the taller woman's hips, peering at the stove to see what Jane had rustled up.

Jane beamed at the feeling the blonde's presence gave her, nothing made her prouder than being the reason green eyes shined with happiness.

"Gnocci, you're dating an Italian, so you have to become acustomed to our ways," she teased.

"What . . . I have to start drinking beer, screaming at baseball on the television and being devilishly attractive?" She wrapped her arms around Jane's waist.

"Oh there's a lot more to it than that, but you've got a lifetime to learn," she smiled, turning her head around her shoulder for a kiss.

_'A lifetime to learn . . .'_

The words made Maura's throat dry, made her eyes sting.

"A lifetime to cling onto those memories, to try to not forget them; to replay them until I imagine you're here and I don't have to miss you anymore," she whispered to no-one, leaning against the cold stove; still dirty from when Jane cooked on it the morning she died.

She walked to the couch, the place they had shared their happiest times, as friends. As more than friends.

Sitting on 'Jane's side', she touched the table where Jane would slam her bottle after a bad call in baseball, smiling as her fingers traced the marks inflicted on the wood.

She breathed in the smell of the apartment, something of Jane was still in the air; even if she only imagined it.

Maura set the bottle she had been carrying, onto the table; eyeing it for a few seconds, before removing the cap with her teeth the way Jane used to. Touching the label, she smiled softly.

"Happy anniversary baby, six months today," a tear tip-toed down her cheek, as she lifted the bottle to toast the day they never got to have.


	5. Chapter 5

****DISCLAIMER – I do not own the characters, they belong to TNT and associated bodies. ****

(However I have a wonderful imagination and that belongs all to me, just sometimes Jane and Maura wind up naked in it, and there's not a thing I can do to stop it. Gutted.)

Sorry if the last chaprter was particularily difficult. I'd always planned to make the date of Jane's death signifigant to the story. I think by now, people may realize that each chapter is going to have a flashback of a month leading up to the present, so we have July, August and September leading us to Jane's death in October; to what is the 'present' day, November. I don't really know why I settled on these months, there isn't a particular reasoning to it.

HERE WITHOUT YOU

Chapter Five.

Pulling the key out the ignition, Maura rubbed the bridge of her nose; a habit she had picked up from Jane.

She sat for a moment, the car still warm; laying her head back on the head-rest, trying to deal with the events of the day. She swallowed as she desperately tried not to cry, but grief overwhelmed her.

She screamed, hitting the steering wheel with her fists, five times, maybe ten, maybe twenty. She hit it until her hands bled from where her nails dug into her palms, until her sobs wracked her, until she was spent of energy letting her head fall onto the battered wheel.

She gulped for air.

"Why'd you go, why aren't you here to make this stop?" She grew angry again, raising herself to full-fist punch the wheel; "Jane!" she screamed.

Angela could only stand and stare from the window of the dining room, as she watched Maura punch and scream until the rage abated, her heart breaking for the blonde.

_July_

Their first fight, as a couple; had been brewing for days.

Angela had, as a rare consideration; made herself scarce, only creeping into the 'main house' during lulls of sniping. A particularly hard case had placed a strain on both the Doctor and the Detective. Jane grew frustrated at Maura's insistence on waiting for the evidence to do the talking, as the bodies mounted up and the pressure grew on her to solve the killings.

Jane and Maura had everyday couple spats; who was driving that day, whose turn it was to take out Jo Friday for her midnight walk, who got to pay for dinner. They had never had a 'proper' argument. Angela had goaded them about the fact, saying it was best to get it out of the way sooner rather than later, summizing that the make-up would be the best part of the process, to which Jane had nearly vommited and shoo-ed her mother from the kitchen. Mama Rizzoli soon lived to rue her words.

Angela was cooking and winced as she heard the slam of the door.

"For the LOVE OF GOD MAURA! How many times do I have to ask you to make an INFORMED GUESS on evidence, huh?" Jane screamed at the blonde in front of her as they stormed into the kitchen, throwing bags and jackets accross the room; completely oblivious to Angela's presence.

"_Jane_," Maura said with venom, trying to keep her anger in check; "I have _never, _nor will I ever; make a presumption about something when I know I can find the conclusive truth, if I am capable of w_aiting _for that truth to reveal itself!"

They stood face to face, arms crossed; inches apart, squaring up to one another.

"What the hell is that meant to mean? Maur, I have 4 bodies; FOUR bodies and a city that is terrified, on my shoulders right now! So why don't you just use that big fucking brain of yours and help me out here a little?"

"Don't you dare curse at me, Jane Rizzoli", Maura spat, angry tears filling her eyes as she stormed off in the direction of the bedroom.

"I don't know why I fucking bother at times, I really don't!" Jane screamed to the ceiling, before following in the direction Maura had headed.

"Janie, I really wouldn't . . ." Mrs Rizzoli winced.

"Stay out of this Ma!" Jane screamed back at her, turning to come face-to-face with her partner. "You know why I'm cursing, Maura? Well, do you? I am CURSING because I have Brass all over my ASS, telling me to nail this bastard; I have reporters waiting for me outside the Precinct, asking me why I am going home when there is a psychopath on our streets, dicing people up; innocent people!"

Maura's jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed as Jane continued her rant; arms waving, her eyes wild with anger and her voice growing hoarse with fury.

"And what in God's name am I meant to tell them, DOCTOR ISLES? Am I meant to say, 'Oh I'm sorry dear people of Boston, until my girlfriend gets a fucking grip and gives me something to work with, I can't really do much for you!' Is that what you want me to do, Maura; is it?"

Maura had grown so angry, she couldn't; wouldn't, look Jane in the eyes. Instead, turning her back to the brunette, she stood outside the bedroom, hands on the door-frame. She spoke quietly.

"Jane Rizzoli, if you ever; _ever; _speak in that manner to me again," she turned to look Jane in the eyes, "then I will never speak to you again, period; and I don't just mean as collegues." Maura's eyes welled up with angry tears, her face flushed, struggling to breathe.

"If you continue to stonewall me Maura, then I will speak _in this manner _to you every hour of every day until you get me some evidence," Jane seethed.

"Get out of my house, Detective Rizzoli." Maura turned, opened the bedroom door and promptly slammed it in the other woman's face.

"FUCK YOU, MAURA!" Jane screamed at the door, smashing her fist into the wall as she stormed out the front door.

Angela heard the slam, followed by the scream.

"JANE!" Maura roared, balling her fists and fireing her shoe at her wall.

It had taken just two hours for Jane to come crawling back, tail between her legs. Angela opened the door to her dishevelled daughter, eyes red-rimmed from crying.

"Ma, I needa speak to . . ." she almost whispered.

"Come in Jane," Maura spoke quitely from a distance behind Angela.

"Sort this," Angela mouthed with pleading eyes to her daughter. "You will never find someone like her again, Janie; never. Don't lose her over a case," she whispered, walking past her daughter, out the front door to take the long route to her own part of the house.

The two looked at one another, taking in the damage inflicted over the past few days. Messy hair, puffed lips, wrinkled clothes, tired eyes.

Maura walked slowly up to the taller woman, reaching behind her to close the door. Jane bowed her head, only raising her eyes to meet those of the blonde as the door clicked shut.

"Bed," Maura whispered. Taking Jane's hand by the little finger, she led them up the darkened corridor.

Angela watched Maura wipe her face with the cuffs of her jumper.

"God, Janie; I wish you were here to sort this, my darling girl," she sobbed, giving into a grief only a mother can know.


	6. Chapter 6

****DISCLAIMER – I do not own the characters, they belong to TNT and associated bodies. ****

(However I have a wonderful imagination and that belongs all to me, just sometimes Jane and Maura wind up naked in it, and there's not a thing I can do to stop it. Gutted.)

I felt like lightening up for a bit, even I've gotten a bit 'down' so to speak after writing the last few chapters (I've knocked this story out in one day by the way, it's the only way I can write without getting bored or forgetting where I am with the whole thing.) So enjoy a 'happy chapter' :-)

HERE WITHOUT YOU

Chapter Six.

Maura woke the next morning with a pain in her ribs. Only two things could cause this particular kind of pain, excessive crying or excessive laughing. She sighed and turned to face the photograph on her dresser. Lifting herself off the bed, she felt as though she hadn't slept at all. Jane's anniversary, _their anniversary, _had crushed her. She was utterly spent.

Lifting the silver rectangle, she sat back down on the edge of the bed; touching the smiling face within the frame.

The photograph had been taken just two months before Jane died; wearing their Homicide division softball shirts, Maura beaming to the camera as Jane laughed, carrying her on a victory piggy-back towards the dug-out, where Korsak had stood with the camera, capturing the precious, happy moment.

"God, you made me so happy Jane," she whispered.

_August_

"Maura, honey; I know it has aero-dy . . . dy-whatever properties; but you could just wear a shirt like the rest of us," Jane teased as Maura zipped up her softball suit in their bedroom.

"You don't think it looks good?" Maura asked, feigning hurt.

"I think . . ." Jane swallowed, trying to find a way to get what she wanted without hurting the M.E's feelings. Gesturing for Maura to straddle her lap, she took the blonde's hand and continued. "I think you look so good, that it should be reserved for me only. I don't think it's fair that other people get to see . . . " gesturing to the ample cleavage now winning her attention, right at the tip of her nose. She swallowed. " . . . that other people get to see, what I thought only I got to see," she looked at the blonde with puppy-dog eyes. It didn't take much from Jane to make Maura cave.

"I'll change," she smiled as she kissed the brunette.

Jane chuckled to herself as Maura grabbed the Detective's spare softball shirt, 'She looks fucking incredible in my shirt,' she giggled to herself.

The Homicide Unit had got their game order down to a fine art. As ever, Maura was last to bat at the end of the seventh inning; they needed one more run to beat Narcotics, Jane's old squad.

"Come on baby," Jane said more to herself than anyone, as Maura stepped up, dramatically swinging her bat in her usual manner.

Step, run; boom! Maura cracked the ball full blast into the East edge of the ground and took off at a lightning pace, unaware that she could have crawled and still gotten the run in. Jumping home on fourth base, Jane fist-pumped the air as she sprinted to envelope the blonde in a lifted, bear-hug.

"Kick-ass baby! Kick-ass!" Jane beamed up at the woman she held.

"This is one of the few times that I will excuse your language, Jane Rizzoli," Maura smiled, leaning down for a kiss.

"Get a room Ellen and Portia!" Frost shouted to the couple.

Jane let Maura down, before gesturing for her to climb onto her back for a victory walk back to the dug-out.

Maura remembered the safe feeling, being carried by Jane. She remembered placing her nose to the side of the brunettes baseball cap and breathing in the familiar scent, the one she was still enthralled by. Most of all, she remembered looking at the camera, as Korsak took the shot; of thinking just how happy the woman that held her, made her.

She touched the photo again, before gently placing the beloved image back to its spot on the dresser.

"I'm still yours, my beautiful Jane."

She smiled as she headed towards the kitchen, for the first breakfast she had made in a month.


	7. Chapter 7

****DISCLAIMER – I do not own the characters, they belong to TNT and associated bodies. ****

(However I have a wonderful imagination and that belongs all to me, just sometimes Jane and Maura wind up naked in it, and there's not a thing I can do to stop it. Gutted.)

A/N - I apologise if this chapter offends anyone who is religious. I'm a practising Catholic, but just thought the angle would be interesting.

Getting towards the end now. This Chapter is about the month before Jane died.

HERE WITHOUT YOU

Chapter Seven.

The picture had brightened up Maura's mood somewhat. Finishing up her pancakes, she placed the dishes in the sink; mentally noting to wash them later.

"Alright," she said to herself. "Alright."

Reaching for her car keys, she spotted Angela coming in the back door.

"Good Morning, Angela," she smiled.

A swell of joy ran through the older woman.

"Good Morning, sweetheart," she returned the smile. _"I knew you'd come through for her Janie," _she thought to herself as the Doctor walked out the door; _"Thank-you, babygirl." _Smiling, she turned the tap on to take care of the dishes she knew Maura would forget about.

Maura pulled up outside the Church. Closing her door quietly, she stepped into the newly-familiar surroundings. The smell hit her first, like it had done the first time Jane brought her there; three weeks before she died. She sat on a pew, before kneeling; taking the Rosary beads out of her pocket, toying with them before deciding to pray.

_September._

"Jane you know I don't believe in God," Maura spoke at full volume, oblivious to the people turning to stare at her for her cheek.

Jane smiled a half sarcastic, half apologetic lop-sided smile back to the faces looking at them. Taking Maura's hand in her own, she motioned at her to kneel, whispering; "Honey I know you don't, but I do; and more importantly _Ma does_, so you kinda just . . ." she searched the ceiling in her usual manner, " . . . you just have to go along with it." She looked towards the blonde, who now had an eyebrow raised accusingly at her girlfriend.

"Well, what are we meant to be doing? I know of the concept of praying, so what are we meant to pray for?"

"You can pray for anything you wish, for forgiveness, for strength . . . for something to happen, anything really. As long as it's appropriate, to the surroundings," she motioned with her eyes to the elderly parishioners knelt in silent prayer.

"So I can't pray for you to take my clothes . . ." Jane's hand muffled the rest of her words, as she tried to stifle a giggle at the horrified Detective's face.

Jane cleared her throat, before removing her hand and whispering.

"No, honey; you can't pray for that. Or anything along those lines."

"Well what do you pray for?" She looked at the brunette in all seriousness.

Jane thought for a moment.

"Well I pray to keep you safe," she smiled shyly; before looking to the Rosary beads in her hands. "I pray to keep myself and my family safe, for our health, for our City, my Collegues. I pray for peace. I pray for my relatives who have passed away. I pray to clear my mind, to safeguard the things; the people," she looked Maura in the eyes now; "the people that mean the most to me, I pray to protect them; to protect them when I can't."

Maura took her hand that held the beads.

"There will never be a time, when you can't protect me Jane," Maura touched the Detective's cheek. "Even when you can't physically, you're always with me and I know I'm safe. Because I love you, and you love me; and that is all the safety and protection I need in this life."

Jane leaned in to kiss the blonde's cheek gently, whispering into her ear; "I'll always be with you, and I will always love and protect you, I swear to you. But I will never stop praying for a little help, if ever I should need it."

Maura's eyes scanned her surroundings, she had never come to Chapel without Jane. She bowed her head and rested her hands in front of her, the beads entwined.

"God," she whispered. "I know I don't exactly know how to comprehend you, but she did. She trusted you, she prayed for you to protect me, when she couldn't."

Her voice began to break, finally starting to accept the reality in which she found herself.

"This probably isn't your usual kind of prayer, but I just wanted to come here to tell you, that I am so fucking angry with you." Her voice grew to full volume, garnering the glances of the few people dotted around the large Chapel.

She raised herself out of the pew, and with a purposeful stride; walked up to the front of the Chapel, to stand in front of the large Crucifix.

Looking at the bronze figure, from less than a few feet away, Maura finally let out her anguish.

"How _dare_ you have that woman's love all her life, her devotion, her _FAITH _. . . and do this. To take her . . . take her away from me, her parents, her brothers; and yet you leave MONSTERS to walk the streets, monsters that she spent her life, bringing to justice!"

As Maura's temper raged, a young Priest gently tapped her on the arm.

"Mam, this is a place of peace and silent prayer; we'd ask you to respect that."

"Well you know what I'd ask you to respect," Maura countered, now shouting; "I'd ask you to respect the fact that your God, took away the only thing in this life that I have ever loved, and I'm more than a little bit pissed at him," she grew hoarse as her will to lash out grew stronger; "How the HELL can you believe in someone, _something; _that can cause a person _this much hurt_," she pointed to her now heaving chest, struggling to speak due to the sobs of anguish her body was giving in to.

Looking back to the altar, she paused for a second; gaining strength.

"I would've tried to love you . . . ," she spoke softly to the Crucifix. "I would've tried to love you, to abide by your teachings; because she loved you, and she lived by your rules. Well you know what, I don't care if I burn in Hell, because Hell has got to be an improvement on the place you've left me in."

Maura took one last look at the young Priest and the few people now openly gawking at her.

"Fools. The whole lot of you," she spoke as she stormed out of the building, throwing Jane's Rosary beads on the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

****DISCLAIMER – I do not own the characters, they belong to TNT and associated bodies. ****

(However I have a wonderful imagination and that belongs all to me, just sometimes Jane and Maura wind up naked in it, and there's not a thing I can do to stop it. Gutted.)

A/N - Well this is it, I hope if you have any burning questions; that you will find the answers in this chapter. I toyed, a lot; with the idea of making two chapters, an A ending; and a B ending. However, time being short due to work and real life; I went with my original idea. I'm not sure that everyone will be pleased with it, but the story has been leading to that direction the entire time. If it's not what you wanted, forgive me. If it's where you anticipated it going; then I hope I did it justice. I've loved writing this fic, I hope you like it.

HERE WITHOUT YOU

Chapter Eight.

Speeding, uncharacteristically; through the streets of Boston, Maura's head was whirling with a thousand thoughts. The city wasn't home anymore, it was dark, cold, a city where she would never raise a smile. Boston had went from being home, to a place where she lost her own life, lost it to the streets, the shops, the places where she would see Jane everywhere, feel her everywhere.

She stopped abruptly, parking the car and gripping the steering wheel for courage. Stepping onto the sidewalk, she felt her whole body tighten as she walked to the spot where her world ended. Standing outside the anonymous shop, people walked in and out, past and around; just another 'normal' day for everyone else in this city; weaving their way through the throngs, past the little grocery store where everything changed.

She stood there for a few minutes, watching. Watching nothing in particular, no-one in particular; just watching. Her mind emptied, save for the thought that how inconspicious a place it was, to have had such a life be extinguished here. There was no way of telling something so life-changing had happened here. There were no flowers, the shop continued as normal. Everything had continued as normal, everything and everyone; apart from the woman standing outside that shop, just watching.

Maura couldn't bear to go inside. She stood frozen on the sidewalk, where it was now raining on her.

"Excuse me, Miss?" A young man in a suit appeared beside her. "Are you alright? Would you like my umbrella?" He offered the item to her, with sympathetic eyes.

"-you." She smiled, struggling to speak.

"Did you know her? The Officer that . . ." he finished short, his eyes looking to the spot just inside the store that had fresh tiles laid down.

Maura's eyes shifted to the spot, the insignifigant little peice of ground where her previous happiness had been stolen, had been blown away with a semi-automatic; and left to bleed and die, in that little shop.

_October_

Jane's day had begun the same way that not many days began, entwined with Maura in Jane's bed; the sun peeking through the window. MOre often than not, they would stay at Maura's but Jo friday had discovered a 'small ant problem' in Maura's kitchen; leading to Maura, and Mother Rizzoli, setting up home at Jane's for a few days. Jane would always wake before Maura. Sometimes she thought that it was her body's way of forcing her to know every single day, just how lucky she was, when she awoke to the beautiful caramel-blonde who would more oft than not, be splayed accross her.

Jane dipped her nose into the crook of Maura's neck, breathing in the smell which she had come to be transfixed by. Whether it was at work, or just in the kitchen at either of their homes, the smell of Maura's perfume was enough to send Jane's senses into a frenzy. She loved every little thing about Maura, from her smell to her pauses when she was thinking, to her cooking and her patience. Her driving was another matter entirely, but Jane was more than happy to take that small chore as her given role.

Jane and Maura were realistic about their relationship, they had only been together for five months; but having been best friends for a number of years, they had a better grounding than most. Jane had spoken to her mother in some detail about the correct 'next move', and for once in her life; had found herself being in approval of the advice administered.

Jane had finally decided to give in to settling down and had decided to ask Maura to move in with her in a beautiful little two bedroom house with a view of the Charles River. She had put an offer in some months ago, long before she and Maura gave into their feelings, but the stronger, and closer they got; the more perfect a place it seemed to set up home. As her mother had bluntly informed her; "You've been living in sin long enough Janie, and your fathers divorce settlement came through months ago, I just liked saying I lived somewhere that had a guesthouse. No-one needed to know I was the guest!"

Jane exhaled into her girlfriends neck, causing goosebumps to form on the blonde's spine; awakening her from a peaceful slumber.

"Hey sleepy," Jane smiled into sparkling green eyes.

"Morning beautiful," Maura smiled into a kiss. "You know, I will never tire of waking up next to you. It's the best part of my day," she raised herself up over Jane to plant a tender kiss on the Detective's shoulder.

Jane looped her arms around Maura's waist, allowing the M.E to lean on her elbows above Jane.

"What do you want to do today then?" Maura grinned seductively.

"Well . . . if you talk to me like that, then I won't really have a choice will I?"

After a giggling fit, they agreed that a run had been long overdue and had resolved to cook a decent breakfast before braving the chill of outside.

Maura wandered into the kitchen to find Jane dishing up the signature Rizzoli pancakes, with bunny-ears and the works.

"Mmmmm . . . yummy," she smiled, wrapping her arms around the brunette's waist.

"I hope one of those is for your dear, old mother; who has spent her best years cooking for you . . ." Angela interjected, rising from her slumber on the air-bed Jane had set up in front of the couch.

"Ma, really; we're literally eating and running." Jane protested.

"I got stretch-marks for you, lady," Angela raised an eyebrow.

Maura picked up her housekeys.

"I'll go get some more supplies."

"Nah," Jane grabbed the keys off her, "I promised I'd cook this morning, I'll go; back in five," she smiled to Maura before giving her a quick kiss on the lips, and giving her mother a quick peck on the cheek.

"She's a good girl, Janie;" Angela smiled to Maura. "She loves you, you know."

Maura couldn't help but smile.

"I know she does and I love her too, very much." Maura couldn't help how she beamed when talking about Jane. Her wishes had come true the day she laid eyes on the striking Detective, and she had counted her blessing everyday since.

Maura felt odd when Jane left the house that morning, she couldn't quite put her finger on it; but she was anxious for Jane to get back. After fiftteen minutes, Angela had insisted on being the one to call Jane, so she could test out her shiney new cell phone.

Sometimes, in the back of your mind you just know; inhereantly and inexplicably; that something is wrong. Maura toyed with her ring as Angela's three calls went unanswered. As Maura was washing out the frying pan, cleaning had always been a method of distraction to her; she heard the sirens. Faintly at first, single and small; growing louder, growing in numbers. Her stomach clenched, her breathing sped up. When Angela came into the kitchen, catatonic and pale; she passed the cell phone into Maura's sodden hands. The call that ended her world.

Maura looked at the shop windows, imagining the scene in her head.

Jane had run to the shop, and had gotten there a few minutes quicker than if she had walked. As she entered, the shopkeeper didn't smile; and her gut instinct kicked in. Looking into the mirror above the till terminal, she could see two hooded men moving quickly in her direction with the shop's owner and a bag, presumably of cash from the safe.

In Jane's last moments, as she rose her arms to show she wasn't armed; two thoughts ran through her mind. One being of Maura, and the other; why she had decided to pull on her Boston Police tshirt, and not her Boston Pilgrims top that she kept at Maura's for games night. One shirt would have saved her life, as the gunman sprayed her life to peices with a semi-automatic. The other shirt . . . the other shirt cost her her life.

Maura looked to the floor, the floor where Jane bled to death.

"It stops, today;" she said quietly, as she left the young man alone, in the rain; and walked away, leaving her car.

As she entered Jane's apartment, a calm washed over her, as it always did in this safe place.

Maura had tired of greiving, of remembering; torturing herself with happy memories that would never be recreated, just be replayed time and again until she wouldn't be sure if they were memories or imaginings. She sat on Jane's couch, crying silently as she looked around the apartment; empty and silent without it's owner. She put her head in her hands for a few minutes, thinking; before walking into Jane's bedroom.

Neither she, nor Jane's family had touched the room since Jane died; the only thing that had been removed was Jane's formal uniform which Korsak had bravely come around to collect. Everything was in exactly the same place as the day Jane had left the world. Maura sat on the edge of Jane's bed, covers still messy from their lie-in. She looked around the room, finding Jane present in every object, every smell; everything.

Weary, she walked over to the bedside drawer where Jane kept her old revolver, a present from her grandfather when she graduated the academy. It was her first gun to go to at the sign of danger, the first gun she would polish, it was her most prized possession. Maura's eye was caught by the picture and silver keys beside the gun, in the normally empty drawer. Scrawled on a post-it stuck to pictures of the interior of a house, Jane's handwriting read: "_Ma, this is the dream house; just signed the agreement, can move in at Christmas. What do you think Maur will say to this as a Christmas present? Love Janie xxx _"

Maura's breath stopped, her hand flew to her heart, her teeth chattered.

"We could've had a future," she cried to the empty house. "We could've had LIVES!"

She paced the room, revolver loaded and in hand, before catching a glimpse of a photograph of the two of them after a particularily energetic pillowfight.

"I can't do this without you Jane . . . I just can't."

She pointed the gun to her head, and fired.

_THE END._


End file.
